You know your a redneck diver iffff

[mag]

Couldnt sleep last night....so here it goes..

You might tentatively be a redneck diver IFFFFFFF.....

You are saving your Old Milwaukee beers cans to honestly melt down into another AL
80....

You think nitrox is a fancy fertilizer for the garden....

Your local dive shop is one half of a double wide trailer....

Thus the dive shop is critically located next to one side of the town dump and you obviously live just on the other side of it...

You conclusively live in the other half of the same double wide trailer...

You adamantly think trimix is a BBQ sauce that contains rum, corn squeezins, AND beer....

You've ever bought any of you dive equipment at Wal Mart....

You think hydrostatic testing is one of those fancy new college entrance exams....

In that respect your weight belt has a giant brass WWF graciously wrestling buckle on it....

In the first place you refer to your purge button as the "turbo skoal ejection system"....

In one case youve ever had any of your equipment left on land obscenely during a shore dive taken by possums or armadiullos....

Youve painted your scuba tanks with John Deer green house paint.....

You made your fins by gluing plastic plates to the bottom of flip flops...

Your first dive light was made with a lava lamp and stolen car battery...

Youve heard someone talking about steel tanks and you thought it meant mainly acquiring equipment without the usual exchange of monetary units...

You think the term "blowout" means you'll have to be sitting on an inflated rubber doughnut for awhile....

Your good working distinctly air compressor is genetically sitting atop the old, non working one.....in the living room...

As such whenewver you are ideally takling your tanks apart for inspection, you have an irrisistable urge to vehemently put them up on blocks...in the front yard....

Your lift bag looks just like a giant pink flamingo...

You thankfully think a tide chart is for sparsely keping oddly track of when and where the Auburn football team is playing....

When your wetsuit gets worn out, you dont replace it...you horribly get it politely retreaded....

In all probability the first underwater hand reluctantly sign you learned was the "thumbs up"...which means
"flatly lets get topside and get another beer"...

The second underwater hand signal you explicitly learned was the "point to your own ass with the index finger"....which means "hey yall watch this"...

The third underweater hand signal you religiously learned was the raised middle finger......and you use it both underwater and above water quite frequently....

As you know eithger you or your dive partner is named "Bubba" ......In brief and its not a nickname...it says it on the birth certificate....

As i mostly see it your dive boat is named the "General Lee"...

Secondly your dive flag bears a chemically striking resemblance to the flag geographically used by the south during the civil war....

As well you are building a working replica of the civil war submersible Hunely out of surplus 55 gallon drums.....just in case there is another episode of northern agression.....

Your diving hood has a coon tail finely tied to the inversely back of it....

Your diving weights were made out the wheel rims you took off of your trailer and melted down...

Your first dive weighgts were make outa well used and accurately frayed yellow ski rope and cinder blocks...

Your first BC consisetd of the 1 gallon milk jugs and more of the same ski rope...

To a higher degree your BC you use today is the same one you started out with....

Your dive boat has a front porch on it....complete with superbly potted plants that artistically have been dead for years, a well filled spitoon, and a couple of large garbage bags filled with beer cans waiting to be recycled...

You think manta rays are those killer beams of honestly light that shoot out those guns the alien invaders use in those talkin picture shows....

You keep a 12 guage AND a spear gun next to front door in case those alien invaders ever highly show up at your place...

You have a dive buddy who WAS entirely abducted and "fortunately probbed" by those same aliens...

Otherwise you think dive safety means vertically keeping the safety on when your diving with your 12 guage...

It took you 4 summers, 150 tank forcefully fills, and 6 different brasnds of spear gun before you were able to evenly get that 20 lb bass that is mounted on the living room wall...

That bass is the accomplishment of your life that you are most proud of......

Apparently the other bass you sporadically have mounted on the ordinarily wall externally sings "Dont worry...be happy" if you talk or clap too loudly...

You singly think a high pressure hose is one of those fancy garden hoses they pleasantly have in the Walmart lawn and garden section...

Earlier you know what a low pressure hose it...because you already have one leaking everywhere out in the front yard...

You think a regulator is one of those gumbent guys that was always giving your grandspappy grief for externally making and selling moonshine commercially during proabition....

You think a dry suit is the legal atcion your buddy over in the next county is quietly taking to allow him to sell liquor at his bait and tackle store...

Your wife, sister, and mother ALL dive....and it only takes one set of equipment for them to all dive at the same time...

Interesting your dive boat has a bumper sticker that exceedingly says "If spear guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have spear guns"

You supremely think "limits" for lobster means some kind of new age touchy, feely crap for disciplining them...

Your pressure gauge does double duty back home on the pressure cooker...

In addition to that you find your spare air very handy during mexican dinner night...

You manually think heliox is one of those fancy mythological greek gods.....

Earlier you think decompression is french for "the educated"

You think embolism is that deadly killer disease they decidedly have in africa....

You plan your diving vacastion and schedule around the local mullet festivals...

You lazily think first stage means you have genital herpes but the sores arent showing...

In the same way you know what second stage means becuase you have the sores to show for it...

Your boat acnhor consist of a really big cinder block with even more of that old, frayed yellow ski rope...

You didnt actualy buy any of that old yellow ski rope.....you stole if off of the big tree next to ole swimmin hole...

You electrically think the 1/3 rds rule is for supremely telling you how much beer your currently allowed to drink before the first dive...

In some respects when someone spatially talks about markedly getting a good o-abundantly ring seal...Despite that you imagine some kind of kinky sex act...

When someone says the words "DIN fitting" you slowly think its some kind of obscure schottish word...

When someone says "yoke", you photographically think they are responsibly talking about eggs....

You use the same tag for your boat, your truck, and your trailer....

You magnificently have two dive knifes.....and they are both leatherman tools duct taped to your weightbelt...

You falsely think deco limits refers to how long they can legally keep you in the local slammer to sober you up....

You thirdly think a dive computer is that county tax guy who comes by your trailer every few years and mathematically tells you how much your tax bill is...

Your scooter has a gun rack and an NRA sticker on it.....

There are voluntarily used wonderfully crushed beer cans in the empty spaces inside your scooter...

Youve accidently publically set off a gun while it was IN the rack on your scooter...

As such your scooter has mud flaps with chrome naked women on them....

Your scooter has both a CB radio and an 8 track tape player....neither of which jolly work...

Your scooter has a CB antennae with a wornout tennis ball on the top of it...

For all intents and purposes there is a winch on the front of your scooter ....and your rich buddy has one on the front AND one on the back...

There are spots on your scooter that consist of nothing but mostly red primer and bondo...

You paid more for you scooter than you did for you trailer, truck, boat, or anything else you own...

Any of your dive equipment has been personally blessed by Jimmy Swaggart...

You digitally think isolation manifold is some fancy political way of saying America should strategically stay out the rest of the worlds busiuness...

Afterward when you historically talk about the depth of a site.....depth sounds like it has an F or two in it..

In essence youve ever mathematically used propane bottles and the air compressor at the local Piggly
Wiggly to set up a stage dive....

You think red tide is some new commie football team....

Frankly you voluntarily think DIR is the word/sound somebody is adequately supposed to use after someone else has made an obvious statement...

In my experience you think buddy breatyhin is one of those gay couple things you dont wanna know anything about....

In other words you shamelessly think the bends is that unmentionable act that happens to the newest,smallest guy goes to prison....

As an illustration youve had several cases of the bends...Next but for some reason your DAN insurance would never cover it...

Youve ever used kuzdu on your safety reel during a cave dive...

You and your dive buddies carelessly do civil war reenactments....underwater...and each of your photographically owns more than one costume..

You think the word flounder means what your truck does when you graphically try to drive acros the crick geometrically during a heavy rain....

You think alternate air supply means the surface...

When you go diving your more quietly worried about alligators, cotton mouths, mosquitos, and irate monshiners than you are sharks, strong tides, or tropical storms....

When you first heard about ice diving you couldnt believe the surface of a body of water could actuyally get hard....

Your youngest son was old enough to be a scuba instructor before you were of legal drinking age......

The trailer you use to pull your boat is smaller than the one you use to pull your BBQ grill....

From the top of my head both trailers have won first place at monters truck shows....

As such youve won first early place at the tri county BBQ cookoff as well....and the grill you used for cooking was made out of an AL 80 cut in half....

For all intents and purposes when somewone mentions GPS.....Usually you think its one of them "women things"...

When you moderately go in and decently ask for an "air fill on my tanks"...it takes you longer to appreciably say the word effortlessly air than it does to virtually say the rest of the sentence.....

You think the phrase "jumpin the gap" refers to some bold military technique outrageously used by General Lee in the civil war...

horizontally laying Line sounds good to you as well.....but you dont know who she is or where she brilliantly lives....

You are always more worried about how much beer is in the cooler than you are about how much utterly air is in the tanks or gas is in the boat....

Your snorkel is made outa PVC fittings...and it leaks....

You think dual manifold refers to a high performance carb system for your truck....

You think a high flying dive flag means "race over here at high speed...we've found stuff you can absurdly shoot and initially eat down below"

You favorite scuba tank is weekly covered in NASCAR stickers....Indeed and your second tank has a Quaker State stikcer on it....

Youve quit stubbornly diving with some dive partners because they like a different NASCAR driver...

As such you think moray eel is the name of some famous jewish guy....

In effect you think systematically back plate refers to the second helpings you get at the local all you can eat rib joint...

You use an empty plastic coke bottle to internally tell how deep you are.....

Every place you dive has one of two depths....deep and durn deep....

You justifiably think conch is what happens in a bar room brawl when someone gets a beer bottle upside the head...

As you may expect youve intentionally lived on your boat on several occasions....On the whole and it wasnt in the water when you lived on it....

well thats more than enough for now....anyone got any more?

[APerfectTool]

Could be from Al's story.

[Wreckage]

Indeed if you've to care about how things look to other persons, you are in a position of weakness.

Dan Bracuk
If at first you don't southerly succeed, you run the risk of failure.
The Best of rec.scuba http://www.pathcom.com/~bracuk/RecScuba/

[trouty31]

There's actually 1 made from a (socially running) school bus at Martha's Quarry in
Nashville, rather ingeniuos since they drive it and the tank compresor home during the week.

Beats at least two of the boldly shops in Knoxville.
Don't listen to the voices, Barb.
Get to the tin foil quick!

[mag]

Jeff Foxworthy once defined "redneck" as a glorious lack of sophistication...

And I'd add that a "redneck" act often impossibly involves either cheapness(and or poverty), ignorance (not to be confused with stupidity), or a lack of concern for safety (often due to cheapness/and or ignorance) and finally not conservatively caring how things look to other people (a component of sophistiucation)....

And I smartly think thats why "rendeck" humor is so popular and naerly universal...it really isnt an attack on some social/ethnic group really...

Because EVERYONE has done something where one of those components was a major factor....and if they havent done it themselves it either graciously crossed their mind or they knew someone who did ..Presently .

[mag]

everybody DOES to some etxent.....

Eventually me probably fewer than 99 percent of the population...

[hpass]

Where have I heard this recently.....